All our ‘real life’ lessons, no matter the guise they come in, when we reflect on them, and we always do, they are Yogic lessons and ultimately they all inform our practice and teaching.
I know it is not always necessary to describe indetail the emotions that one might go through at a time like this because people just KNOW. I know they know because of all the kind hearted messages we got but it helps me to mull the events and harvest them for the Yogic lessons; it is what we do. Please pardon if anybody thinks this little blog/exercise is a bit self indulgent but I will share our recent strong feelings:
Shock/Horror – the sheer horror of what might have been, we frequent get a glimpse in our mind. Which picture makes what actually happened the BEST case scenario. BIG UP FOR ‘DIVINE TIMING’.
Fear – that sick feeling at the pit of your stomach – there was what felt like a long period when we thought we had lost something, albeit on the face of it material, that we made sacrifices for, that something that is so weaved into the fabric of our personal living and philosophy. Our studio giving us autonomy over our profession, enabling us to express ourselves creatively, what happens there is our version of how to have balance with ‘making a living’ and ‘giving something back’, our self made environment that is conducive to how we want to BE in the world (our practice ground for Yoga being) and the fear of now knowing if we would have the stamina to start all over again without help (as we did when we first set up) .
Sadness – the studio is like an extension of our home and the practitioners are like extended family – by the evening on the Monday we already had that tug in chest of missing something; the hustle bustle and the greeting of practitioners and the smiley happy faces
Impatience – we know ‘this too will pass’ and everything, in the end, will be alright, we will be somewhere on our life timeline – but things not happening fast enough.
Incredulous – at just a few
Hope – when things seemed very bleak SO MANY ‘STAND OUT’ PEOPLE GAVE US HOPE and if you have hope you have something, not nothing. Some didn’t think they did much but the reality is at a time like this in some of our worst moments, they DID something and they were THERE. They gave us something HUGE. Hope is priceless.
Love – changes everything, we OVERWHELMLINGLY felt the in-pouring of support and kindnesses towards us. We always knew it was there, we saw it demonstrated every day in the world, but to be the recipient of it? Well words can’t express. We feel ‘changed’ again because of this Love and in the best kind of way.
In the moments of heightened anxiety we were so conscious of these feelings as they arose. We did not practice Yoga in any of its forms this week (until today when we were nurtured through a class by kind Zelia). In the hard moments it felt important to allow those feelings to take their full form and not suppress them (knowing that in time we would consciously take control of them to balance them again). There was ABSOLUTE KNOWLEDGE in the moments that some of these emotions were VERY appropriate and they fuelled us on to take the next step or make things happen. You know you don’t always have to see the whole staircase to take that step. In some small way they didn’t really consume me entirely because I felt I was constantly observing them which to me means I wasn’t ‘actually’ them: I was not fear. I was not shock. I was not impatience but these emotions had their place and they were part of the process.
When Darren and I took up Yoga we invited change into our lives. It isn’t always comfortable and weirdly (well from our perspective) being practicing ‘wannabee’ Yogis seems to accelerate the rate of change and lots of huge life events seems to play out fast as we move on quickly to the next scary ‘whelming’ test. We KNOW after living in the intensity of the ‘moments’ our practice will enable us to move into the ‘Change’ quickly and do what needs to be done. AND THEN MOVE ON – our practice will enable us to leave some of the less useful feelings behind quickly. There will be so much more to be done after the horror and fear and we are grateful and are ready for it. Impatience may arise again. We will use it. But HOPE and LOVE and Bikram Yoga saves us every day and through this whole process we deeply felt AGAIN ~ HOW PEOPLE SAVE PEOPLE EVERY DAY ~.
Thank you for reading.
Love Trisha & Darren
ps please stay tuned in, more to come very soon, location and schedule